“Pray for your enemies” is one of those phrases that sounds simple when spoken but can become incredibly difficult to practise when someone has genuinely hurt you.
The saying is often associated with forgiveness, compassion and the decision to refuse hatred. But does praying for your enemies mean that we must forgive everyone immediately, trust everyone who has wronged us, or allow harmful people back into our lives? Not necessarily.
Praying for an enemy can mean choosing not to allow anger and hatred to control your life. It can mean wishing that the person changes, finds wisdom or stops causing harm. It can also mean asking God for justice, protection and the strength to move forward.
Forgiveness Does Not Mean Forgetting
One of the biggest misunderstandings about forgiveness is that it requires a person to pretend nothing happened.
It does not. Someone can forgive a person while still remembering what happened and learning from the experience. Forgiveness does not erase consequences, and it does not automatically restore trust.
If someone repeatedly lies, manipulates, abuses or harms you, creating distance may be necessary. You can forgive someone without giving them unlimited access to your life.
Can You Pray for Someone Who Hurt You Deeply?
This is where the saying becomes difficult. When someone has betrayed you, humiliated you, abused your trust or caused serious pain, telling yourself to “just pray for them” may feel almost impossible. And that is okay.
Healing is not always immediate. People process pain differently. Sometimes the first prayer is not for the person who caused the pain but for yourself: “Give me the strength to heal. Help me release this anger. Give me wisdom about what to do next.”
With time, that prayer may eventually change.
Praying for Your Enemy Does Not Mean Accepting Wrongdoing
There is an important difference between compassion and tolerance of harmful behaviour. You can pray for someone to change while still demanding accountability. You can hope that a person becomes better without protecting them from the consequences of their actions.
In fact, sometimes the most meaningful prayer for someone who has caused harm may be that they develop a conscience, recognise what they have done and take responsibility.
What About People Who Continue to Hurt Others?
This is where boundaries become important. If someone continues to pose a threat to you or others, simply praying about the situation should not replace practical action. Seeking help, reporting wrongdoing, getting professional support or physically distancing yourself may be necessary.
Washing Your Face With Salt Water: The Benefits Beyond Spiritual Beliefs
Faith and wisdom do not have to compete with one another. You can pray and still protect yourself. You can forgive and still say “never again.” You can wish someone well from a distance.
Is the Saying for Everyone?
The principle behind “pray for your enemies” can be meaningful for many people, particularly those who want to avoid being consumed by bitterness. But it should not be used to shame victims into forgiving before they are ready, returning to unsafe relationships or remaining silent about wrongdoing.
For some people, praying for an enemy may mean asking for reconciliation. For others, it may simply mean asking for peace, healing and the strength to stop carrying the person’s actions in their heart.
Ultimately, praying for your enemies is less about rewarding those who hurt you and more about protecting your own heart from becoming consumed by hatred.
You do not have to love what someone did to you. You do not have to trust them again. And you do not have to remain close to them.
Sometimes, praying for an enemy simply means deciding that their actions will not determine the kind of person you become.